This is a list based on the popular “You Might Be A Redneck If…” series created by Jeff Foxworthy. Enjoy…

You might be a redneck if:

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
• The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
• You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
• You pick your teeth from a catalog.
• You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• You’ve ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
• There’s an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
• You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
• You think the Bud Bowl is real.
• You consider dating second cousins as “playing the field”.
• You think “six to ten pounds” on the side of the Pampers box means how much the diaper will hold.
• You paint your car with house paint.
• Your dog goes “oink!”
• You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
• Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
• You know how to milk a goat.
• You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
• Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
• Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
• Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
• You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
• You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
• You think toilet water is exactly that.
• Your chili’s secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
• Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
• You wore curlers to your wedding so you would look nice at the reception.
• You have a refrigerator just for beer.
• Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• The trunk of your car is tied down and you’re not hauling anything.
• You refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”
• Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
• You have orange road cones in your living room.
• You can take your bra off while driving.
• You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
• You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
• You have a tennis ball on your antenna.
• You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
• Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to “kiss her ass”.
• Directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”
• You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
• You did not put the pink plastic flamingos in your front yard as a joke.
• You rip a loud one and blame your date.
• You have to dress up the kids to go to Kmart.
• You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
• You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
• You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
• You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• Your Fourth of July cookout has ever been ruined because someone got drunk and burned the Spam.

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-attractive-background-backwoods-39863/