This is a list based on the popular “You Might Be A Redneck If…” series created by Jeff Foxworthy. Enjoy…
You might be a redneck if:
- You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves.
- The most common phrase heard in your house is, “Somebody go jiggle the handle.”
- You’ve ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
- Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
- You pick your teeth from a catalog.
- You can’t take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
- You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
- You’ve ever stolen toilet paper.
- Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
- You’ve ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
- There’s an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
- You’ve ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
- You think the Bud Bowl is real.
- You consider dating second cousins as “playing the field”.
- You think “six to ten pounds” on the side of the Pampers box means how much the diaper will hold.
- You paint your car with house paint.
- Your dog goes “oink!”
- You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
- Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
- You know how to milk a goat.
- You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
- Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
- Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
- Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
- You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
- You’ve ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
- You think toilet water is exactly that.
- Your chili’s secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
- Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
- You wore curlers to your wedding so you would look nice at the reception.
- You have a refrigerator just for beer.
- Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
- You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- The trunk of your car is tied down and you’re not hauling anything.
- You refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year.”
- Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
- You have orange road cones in your living room.
- You can take your bra off while driving.
- You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
- You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
- You have a tennis ball on your antenna.
- You’ve ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
- Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to “kiss her ass”.
- Directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”
- You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
- You did not put the pink plastic flamingos in your front yard as a joke.
- You rip a loud one and blame your date.
- You have to dress up the kids to go to Kmart.
- You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
- You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
- You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
- You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- Your Fourth of July cookout has ever been ruined because someone got drunk and burned the Spam.
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