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Truths About Life I Learned From Bad 80’s Movies

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Back in my college days I learned quite a lot of truths about life from bad 80’s movies, such as:

  • Smart people wear thick glasses, button-down shirts, and slacks. Dumb people wear football uniforms.
  • Everyone in high school was having sex except you and the class valedictorian.
  • Your dog is way smarter than you.
  • France is populated entirely by attractive young women and Gerard Depardieu.
  • Every Southern town has a fat redneck sheriff named “Smokey.”
  • Mexico is populated entirely by vacationing frat boys.
  • Parents always come back from vacation a day early.
  • There are no ugly prostitutes.
  • It’s only possible to win any sporting event in the last three seconds of the game.
  • Cheerleaders hate having their shirts on.
  • The best way to escape your enemies is to drive on the wrong side of the road.
  • A student who’s failing every class can still rig up an elaborate device to to answer his phone when he calls in sick.

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