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Top 40 Things You Would Never Hear A Redneck Say

The top 40 things you would NEVER hear a Redneck say, no matter how much they have had to drink, no matter how far from the South they have wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening:

  1. Oh, I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
  2. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  3. Duct tape won’t fix that.
  4. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
  5. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
  6. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
  7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
  8. You can’t feed that to the dog.
  9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
  10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  11. Wrestling’s fake.
  12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
  13. We’re vegetarians.
  14. Do you think my gut is too big?
  15. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
  16. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
  17. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
  18. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  19. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  20. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
  21. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
  22. Trim the fat off that steak.
  23. Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.
  24. The tires on that truck are too big.
  25. I’ll have the Arugula and Radicchio salad.
  26. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
  27. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
  28. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
  29. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
  30. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
  31. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
  32. Checkmate.
  33. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
  34. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
  35. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
  36. I don’t have a favorite college team.
  37. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
  38. You ALL
  39. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

And the #1 thing that you would never hear a Redneck say…….

  1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin’ tonight.

I bet you can think of a few more to add. If so, please do leave us a comment. We would love to get to 50, maybe 100 even.

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