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Things Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

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Here’s a handy list of things not to say to your pregnant wife.

We all know how hormonal women get when they are pregnant. It’s easy to trigger mood swings, especially during the latter stages of pregnancy.

Sometimes it pays to think twice before you open your mouth when talking to your pregnant wife. What comes out of your mouth could not only be used against you, it could easily be a life changing comment.

So, just in case you are still not sure what might offend your pregnant wife and trigger an “episode”, here are a few suggestions for things not to say:

  • “I finished the Oreos”
  • “Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds.”
  • “Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!”
  • “I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”
  • “Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl”
  • “Darned if you ain’t about 5 pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”
  • “Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt!”
  • “Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!”
  • “I’m jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?”
  • “Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”
  • “Get your *own* ice cream.”
  • “Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today!”
  • “Got milk?”
  • “Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.”
  • “Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”
  • “Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”

… and finally …

  • “You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger…..”

I wonder how that last one turned out…

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