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The Total Idiots Guide To Internet Success

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Every day you read about people making a fortune on the Internet. Well, here it is, The Total Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

This is a guide to making that elusive fortune on the internet. Maybe it will be the answer to your financial problems, who knows.

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since a friend sent me this in an email. Yes, sad I know, but I actually have emails going back 20 years, I’m like that!

However, this guide to internet success is just as relevant now as it was back then.

I have been involved in Amway and several other MLM schemes over the years, with varying levels of success, so good luck everyone, read the guide and go make your fortune…

Let’s begin:

How long will it take me to get insanely rich?

Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?

No. This is the Internet.

Can just anybody get insanely rich?

Yes. This is the Internet.

How do I proceed?

As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days. Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?

Of course not. They just say that so you’ll be pleasantly surprised and so it doesn’t sound like hype.

Okay, I’ve found one that says “Retire to Your Own Caribbean Island in One Month!” Is that good?

Perfect. Who wouldn’t like to.

What does MLM mean?

Nobody really knows. “Morons Lose Money” has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.

I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it’s the easiest thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it’s MLM, by the time my third level is operating I’ll be making $345,915.45 per week.


They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?

Your sponsor is a shrewd business person.

People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ… uh, clients.

You can switch your mother’s long distance carrier for her and then start calling the other members of her support group.

That sounds a little fishy.

The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on long distance calls. It’s for their own good.

How else can I get new business?

Spam. Spam. Spam.

I thought spam was bad.

No, spam is good.

Anyone who says it’s bad is just jealous because their brains are too small.

But won’t I lose my web host and ISP?

In the get-rich-quick business, it’s important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.

What else can I do to promote my new business?

Here’s a list of suggestions:

  • –Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and flashy banners.
  • –Join every free banner exchange.
  • –Get your own free-for-all links page.
  • –Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
  • –Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search engines.
  • –Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
  • –Hire a bulk emailer.
  • –Sponsor a golf tournament.

Okay, I’ve done all that and I’m still not rich. I haven’t even driven my hit counter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?

It’s possible that you’re not very bright.

Consult one of your friends who has retired on their Internet earnings.

What if I don’t have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?

Then contact someone else on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.

What if I’ve never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?

Well, then maybe you can be the first.

I did say at the beginning that I have been involved in various MLM schemes in the past with varying success.

That success varied from earning several hundred dollars at the cost of several thousand, to spending hundreds of dollars and making nothing at all.

Buy hey, some people make it (supposedly). Go for it and good luck!

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