The story of Rindercella was originally shown on BBC TV in the UK back in the 70’s. Apparently, the late great Ronnie Barker (co-star of The Two Ronnies) could say all of this without so much as a hint of a laugh, although God knows how many takes it took to get it right and to say this the whole way through without laughing. The funny thing is, BBC received not a single complaint about this sketch, even though it is rather risque by BBC standards.
The speed of his delivery of this story must have been too much for the herds of whiners who usually complain to the BBC about anything and everything I suppose. Just try reading through this yourself, without converting the spoonerisms, trying to keep a straight face and not wetting yourself as you read it. It’s darn near impossible!
Anyhow, this is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge and the other was called Betty Swallocks. They were really forrible huckers and they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight, otherwise there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve.
“Mist all chucking frighty!!!” said Rindercella and she ran out, tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella’s door and the sugly isters let him in.
Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.
“Who’s fust jarted?” asked the prandsome hince.
“Blame that fugly ucker over there!!” said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers.
This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
I know it’s a little but naughty but I hope you enjoyed that. I couldn’t find a recording of Ronnie Barker relating this. I do assume it’s real and think I might have actually heard it, but good old YouTube doesn’t have it. This is the best rendition I could find.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-castle-park-6403605/