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The Perfect Gift

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To all the ladies reading this, I’m sure you know how hard it is to find the perfect gift for the special man in your life.

As a man, I know it’s very often hard to find the perfect gift to please your woman, but this dilemna does work both ways and us men are hard to please as well.

However, finding the perfect gift for the special man in your life doesn’t have to be that complicated. Here are some rules for selecting gifts for your special man. If you follow these rules, you should have no problems at all in finding something that he will love.

Rule #1:

When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill.

It does not matter if he already has one.

I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills or actually too many tools. Men just love tools.

Tools to a man are like diamonds to a woman, they are his best friend. The more tools a man has, well it’s kind of a status symbol, especially if you have a garage that is full of power tools.

No one knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.

Men love saying things like:

“Hey Fred, can I borrow your ratchet?”

“OK. Bye the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?”

Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.

A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror always works.

Men love gifts for their cars.

No one knows why.

Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks.

Do not buy men ties.

And never ever buy men bathrobes.

I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.

If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV that has picture in picture. Watch him go wild as he flips channels and flips and flips…

Rule #6:

Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.

If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whisky or beer.

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.

I’m told they do not stink – they are “earthy”.

Rule #8:

Buy men label makers.

These are almost as good as cordless drills.

Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere:

  • Socks
  • Shorts
  • Cups
  • Saucers
  • Door
  • Lock
  • Sink

You get the idea…

No one really knows why, but it will keep them busy for hours.

Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box.

It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:

Good places to shop for men include:

  • Northwest Iron Works
  • Parr Lumber
  • Home Depot
  • John Deere
  • Valley RV Center
  • and Les Schwab Tire

NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is.

“From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need”.

“Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks”.

Rule #11:

Men enjoy danger.

That’s why they never cook, but they will barbecue and oh boy to men love to barbecue.

Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Just looking at the smile on his face as he assembles it is worth the price tag.

Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

“Flame grilled?” “How big would you like that flame?”

Rule #12:

Tickets to a football game are a smart gift.

However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts”.

I guess everyone knows why!

Rule #13:

Men love chainsaws.

However, never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.

If you don’t know why, please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:

It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.

Never buy a real man a stepladder. It has to be an extension ladder.

No one knows why. I can only think that size matters…

Rule #15:

Rope. Men love rope.

It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.

Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope.

You guessed it, no one knows why.

Well I hope these rules have given you some ideas on what to buy your man for his special day.

Oh regarding that last idea, no you can’t buy him rope and suggest he goes hang himself!

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