A Collection Of Walmart Greeter Jokes

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Walmart_exterior.jpg

There are lots of jokes about Walmart Greeters, probably because (sadly) many Americans see themselves as being financially insecure when they reach retirement age, and will need to find a job to provide additional income.

I know this applies to me too, unfortunately, and therefore I have categorized these Walmart Greeter jokes under the Old People category as I thought it was appropriate.

Here are a few of the jokes about Walmart Greeters that we have collected together for you and we hope you enjoy them.


The New Walmart Greeter

Have you heard about Charlie, the new Walmart Greeter?

Well, Charlie retired and needed an additional income, and so he took a job as a greeter at Walmart. The problem was, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was late. Some days it was 5 minutes, other days 10 minutes, and his boss had even seen him arriving for work as much as 15 minutes late.

But, Charlie was a good worker. He was really tidy, always clean shaven, sharp minded, and he was a real credit to the company, and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policy.

One day, the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with the fact that Charlie just couldn’t manage to get to work on time.

Finally, he called him into the office for a talk.

“Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a terrific job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it”, said Charlie.

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”

“They said, “Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?”


The Walmart Greeter

So I finally retired, and finding that I needed additional income, I managed to get a job as a Walmart greeter.

Well, no more than two hours into my first day on the job, this loud, mean, and REALLY unattractive woman enters the store with her two children.

Not only did she look mean and ugly, she was yelling obscenities at them the whole way into the store.

As per my greeter instructions in the Walmart staff handbook, I pleasantly said to her, “Good Morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?”

Becoming really agitated at my remark, the woman sharply answered back, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. This one here’s 7, and this one here’s 10. Why would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, stupid, or both?”

To which I replied, “Ma’am, I am neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn’t believe that someone slept with you twice.”

Well to cut a long story short, my supervisor said that I probably wasn’t cut out for a job where I had to deal with the public.


The Blind Man And The Walmart Greeter

A blind man walks into Walmart with his seeing eye dog and without stopping walks right past the store greeter.

The man stops, picks up his dog, and then he starts swinging it over his head in a big circle.

Round and round his head the seeing eye dog flew, for what must have been at least 20 times, before the blind man finally stopped and let the poor animal drop down to the ground.

The greeter ran over and called out to the blind man, “Excuse me, can I help you?”

“No no I’m good”, the blind man replied, “I’m just having a look around”.


Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Walmart_exterior.jpg

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