The New Alphabet (age-adjusted)

Everyone knows the traditional way of remembering the letters of the alphabet (A is for Apple, B is for Boat etc).  Here is a new way to remember the letters of the alphabet, that has been adjusted for old people.

A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,

That used to be right, but now it won’t float!

Age before Beauty is what we once said,

But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.


Now A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back,

C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure–I’d rather it low;

I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!

P for prescription’s, I have quite a few,

Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.

W is for worry, NOW what’s going around?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I’m left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have (in my mind).

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, and I’ve kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!.*

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