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The New Alphabet (age-adjusted)

You know what I heard the other day that was really funny? There is a new alphabet that has been age adjusted for us old folks.

We all know the traditional way of remembering the letters of the alphabet (A is for Apple, B is for Boat etc).  Here is a new way to remember the letters of the alphabet, that has been adjusted for old people.

A is for Apple and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

So, given all the problems and ailments that aflict us more “mature” people, well at least mature in years if not in mind, here’s an updated version of the alphabet that fits in perfectly for us wrinkly people.

Now A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure, I’d rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!

P for prescription’s, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.

W is for worry, NOW what’s going around?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have (in my mind).

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, and I’ve kept twenty-six doctors fully employed!

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