The Miraculous Properties Of Toilet Paper

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_paper_orientation_over.jpgI’d like to tell you about the time my husband told me about the miraculous properties of toilet paper.

I was fresh from my shower and stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me that they aren’t, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion:

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds”.

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

“‘How long will this take?”, I asked him.

“They will grow larger over a period of years”, my husband replied.

I stopped and thought. “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”

Without missing a beat he responded with, “Well it worked for your arse, didn’t it?”

He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man.


Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_paper_orientation_over.jpg

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