I’d like to tell you about the time my husband told me about the miraculous properties of toilet paper.
I was fresh out of the shower and I was standing completely naked in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom, looking at the imperfections in my body, when my husband walked in.
I complained to my husband that my breasts were too small, which in my opinion they are, but instead of telling me that they weren’t, like he normally would, he surprised me by coming up with a bizarre suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow honey”, he said, “then every day, take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds”.
Well, I was willing to try anything, so I fetched a piece of toilet paper from the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
“‘How long will this take?”, I asked him.
“They will grow larger over a period of years”, my husband replied.
I stopped and thought for a minute, then said, “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”
Without missing a beat he responded with, “Well it worked for your arse, didn’t it?”
I can report that he’s still alive and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
What a stupid, stupid man.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_paper_orientation_over.jpg