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The Irish Virgin

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Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-senior-portrait-aged-elderly-5670370/

Have you heard the story about the Irish Virgin?

In a tiny village on the west coast of Ireland there lived an old lady, who was a virgin and very proud of it.

At a ripe old age, sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching and wanting to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to the town’s undertaker, who also happened to run the local post office, to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

BORN A VIRGIN
LIVED AS A VIRGIN
DIED A VIRGIN

Not long after, as you might have already guessed, the old maid died peacefully in her sleep.

A few days after the funeral, the undertaker, who also ran the local post office if you recall, went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested.

It soon became quite apparent to him that the tombstone the old lady had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

The undertaker thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonised over the dilemma.

Finally, his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved. Her epitaph read as follows:

RETURNED
UNOPENED


Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/woman-senior-portrait-aged-elderly-5670370/

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