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The Dog Food Diet

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Have you heard the story about the day I told someone that I was on the Dog Food Diet?

I have two decent sized dogs, and yesterday I was in the grocery store buying a large bag of dog food, and was standing in line at the cash register.

I was minding my own business, standing there waiting to pay for my groceries, when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Dog Food Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I was really chuffed with myself at being able to come up with this witty response so quick, so chuffed in tact that I continued to embellish my story.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with dried dog food, and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, the woman asked if I had ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I had been sitting in the road licking my genitals when a truck hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid woman though……… why else would I buy dog food?

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