A police officer walked up to two Irish drunks in Galway and said to the first, “What’s your name and address young man?” “I’m Paddy O’Toole, of no fixed address”, the drunk replied. The police officer then turned to the second drunk and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Hare […]
Jokes tagged as: Seamus Jokes
18 posts
Murphy, Paddy & Seamus were sitting in a bar and the topic turned to dying and eventually to their discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Seamus said, “I would like them to say ‘He was a wonderful family man. He always […]
Paddy and Seamus met in a pub and the topic of discussion turned to the illness of a friend of theirs. “Poor Michael Hogan, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die” says Paddy. “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asks Seamus. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin lately. You’re thin enough […]
Murphy, Brendan and Seamus are looking for work and they decide to apply for a job on a building site. They have a problem though, they have been told that the foreman on the building site doesn’t like the Irish. Murphy suggests to the other two that they give the […]
Paddy and Seamus were watching an old documentary about Jacques Cousteau, the famous scuba diver and conservationist. Seamus turned to Paddy and said, “You know Paddy, I always wondered why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” Paddy replied, “You are a dumb fool at times Seamus. If […]
Seamus ended up staggering home very late one evening, after yet another one of his all too frequent alcohol binges at the local pub with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He carefully took off his shoes in the hallway to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he […]
It was the middle of a hot summer and the air conditioning had broken down at a Catholic Church in Ireland. So they hired Seamus O’Sullivan to crawl around in the air ducts and figure out what was wrong. As Seamus peeked down through one of the old vents in […]
A number of years ago the Dunne family lived in a small cottage up in the hills above Killarney in Ireland. There was Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of six boys. They lived a happy but isolated existence, being up in the hills which was fairly remote from […]
Two Irishmen, Murphy and Seamus were discussing life in general over drinks one night in a Dublin pub. The subject eventually got to old age, how long family members lived to, and what killed them off. “My grandfather lived to be 96,” says Murphy. “Ninety-six? That’s a fair old age. […]
A European tourist is has been travelling through Ireland, but he gets lost and decides to stop in an Irish village to ask for directions. He sees two old men who are sitting outside the village pub, enjoying a pint of Guinness. “Parlez-vous Francais, the tourist asks them. The old […]
