The owner of some commercial properties in Dublin had three shops available for rent. The three shops were all in a row on the same street. He placed an advertisement in the local paper and the very next day, prospective clients who wanted to rent the properties turned up to […]
The Best Funny Seamus Jokes
23 posts
Seamus and Patrick are walking through the woods when they came across this big deep hole in the ground. Now this didn’t look like any ordinary hole in the ground. It was really big and it also looked like it was really really deep as well. “Wow that hole looks […]
Patrick and Seamus, two Irish friends, were talking over a drink when Seamus asked, “Have ye seen Murphy lately, Patrick?” Patrick said, “Well, I have and I haven’t”. Seamus looked rather puzzled and asked, “Shure, and what d’ye mean by that?” Patrick said, “It’s like this, you see. I saw […]
Seamus went to Sunday Mass one day and the priest almost fainted when he saw him, because Seamus had never been seen in church in all of his adult life. After the Sunday Mass had ended, the priest approached Seamus and said, “Seamus, I am so pleased you decided to […]
A police officer walked up to two Irish drunks in Galway and said to the first, “What’s your name and address young man?” “I’m Paddy O’Toole, of no fixed address”, the drunk replied. The police officer then turned to the second drunk and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Hare […]
Murphy, Paddy & Seamus were sitting in a bar and the topic turned to dying and eventually to their discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Seamus said, “I would like them to say ‘He was a wonderful family man. He always […]
Paddy and Seamus met in a pub and the topic of discussion turned to the illness of a friend of theirs. “Poor Michael Hogan, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die” says Paddy. “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asks Seamus. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin lately. You’re thin enough […]
Murphy, Brendan and Seamus are looking for work and they decide to apply for a job on a building site. They have a problem though, they have been told that the foreman on the building site doesn’t like the Irish. Murphy suggests to the other two that they give the […]
Paddy and Seamus were watching an old documentary about Jacques Cousteau, the famous scuba diver and conservationist. Seamus turned to Paddy and said, “You know Paddy, I always wondered why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” Paddy replied, “You are a dumb fool at times Seamus. If […]
Seamus ended up staggering home very late one evening, after yet another one of his all too frequent alcohol binges at the local pub with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He carefully took off his shoes in the hallway to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he […]
