The Best Funny Retirement Jokes

15 posts

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/old-elderly-beach-walk-relax-3608950/If retirement jokes are what you are looking for then you just found a great collection of them. Retirement is something we all look forward to, but you hear some funny stories about retirement, as well as some really funny retirement jokes.

Here are some of the best retirement jokes, some probably true or based on true stories, but others quite possibly made up by a genius with a warped sense of humour.

We hope you get a good laugh out of our retirement jokes collection and please share our posts to spread the laughter. Thank you.


Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/old-elderly-beach-walk-relax-3608950/

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/man-person-elderly-old-adult-male-5260132/

How Can I Live To Be A Hundred

Jack reached retirement age, so he went to see his doctor and asked him, “How can I live to be a hundred years old?” The doctor replied, “Well, I would […]

Image copyright Tony Payne

Retirement In South Florida

This is a story about retirement in South Florida. I don’t know who wrote the original version of this and suspect it’s been embellished over the years. I have done […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/adult-elderly-face-man-old-person-1852908/

Wise Old Man

A wise old man retired and moved to a modest home that was near to a junior high school, seeking some peace and quiet in his older years. He spent […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.flickr.com/photos/battlecreekcvb/5431175702

The US Air Force

The US Air Force found they had too many officers and NCOs and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/vacation-homes-colorado-river-2549841/

Somewhere Healthier To Live

When his health began to fail after he retired, Bill’s doctor recommended that he moved to somewhere healthier to live. So, after some research about places that were hot and […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.necsu.nhs.uk/case-studies/improving-the-quality-of-care-for-care-home-residents-across-hartlepool-stockton-and-darlington/find-a-care-home/

New Retirement Community

A new retirement community opened in town and after the first batch of elderly people had moved in, the community manager summoned them all to a meeting in the lounge. […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-oemfi

My Retirement

I had waited for many years to quit work and was enjoying the second week of my retirement, much the same way as I had enjoyed the first week actually, […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/1102612

At My Age I Don’t Really Give A Damn!

Retirement is a strange thing you know. Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I now realise that at my age, I don’t really give a damn anymore. Honestly, […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/164316313@N02/41151712034

The Old Geezer’s Medical Clinic

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open his own medical clinic. He rented a small office and put up a sign up outside that said: […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://pixabay.com/photos/old-men-group-of-people-seaside-515882/

The Old Timers Bar

Four retired men were walking down the street when they saw a sign that said, “Old Timers Bar – All drinks 10 cents“. They looked at each other in disbelief […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Riding_a_Horse_Backwards_1110793.jpg

I Want To Live My Next Life Backwards

If I get the chance to be reincarnated, I want to live my next life backwards. I suppose this might sound strange, but would you like to know why? You […]

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.flickr.com/photos/picturesbyann/34000961998

The Retirement Home

An old man and old woman met shortly after both became residents at a retirement home. They soon began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each others company. After […]