It was late evening in a pub in County Cork in Ireland and the regulars were all toasting each other, Ireland and just about anything they could think of, all trying to come up with the best toast of the night. Paddy O’Reilly raised his glass of Guinness in the […]
The Best Funny Pub Jokes
27 posts
So Paddy and Murphy were driving home from the pub, having spent the whole afternoon there, drinking one pint of Guinness after the other. Suddenly, Paddy started screaming, “Murphy, look out for the wall, stop the car, don’t hit the…” Well as you probably guessed, the car slammed into the […]
Here’s a good joke about a Texan, an Irish pub and of course the best drink in Ireland, Guinness. Oh who am I kidding! It’s a terrible joke, but keep reading friends and I will do my best to coax a laugh out of you. So, a Texan was visiting […]
Paddy and Seamus were having a few pints of Guinness in their local pub and discussing their sexual conquests with local women. Paddy bragged to Seamus, “You know Seamus, I think I have had me every woman in this town, except of course me mother and me sister”. “Well Paddy,” […]
As he was leaving the pub after having a few beers, Patrick spotted his friend Michael down on his hands and knees under the light looking for something on the ground. “What is it you lost Michael?” Patrick asked. “It’s me watch”, Michael answered. “It fell off when I tripped […]
Hamish was at the pub getting drunk and bragging about how he was really tight with his money. With Scotsmen stereo-typically being miserly and reluctant to part with their money, this set the whole pub talking and all the men were boasting about their money saving exploits. “I am so […]
A gorilla goes into a pub and sits down on a stool at the bar. The bartender, who was working a few feet away washing glasses, was really surprised when he saw the gorilla walk in and take his seat at the bar. He was so astonished to see a […]
Liam walked into a bar and said to the bartender, “Give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here”. The bartender replied, “Do you want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives for me to pour his?” Roger […]
Murphy and Paddy were sitting at a pub, drinking Guinness while watching the comings and goings at the brothel across the street. They watched as a Baptist minister walked into the brothel. Murphy turned to Patrick and said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ […]
One fine summer day, old Paddy was found dead in his back yard by a couple of his drinking buddies. As the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held only two days after his death, so his mortal remains wouldn’t take a bad turn, if […]
Don’t you love it when you are caught unprepared and asked to buy tickets for the raffle. So, one evening, on his way home from work, Paddy popped into his local pub for a drink. The barman poured him a pint of Guinness and asked him if he wanted to […]
A European tourist had been travelling through Ireland, but he got lost and decided to stop in an Irish village to ask for directions. He saw two old men who were sitting outside the village pub, enjoying a pint of Guinness. “Parlez-vous Francais, the European tourist asked them. The old […]