As he was leaving the pub after having a few beers, Patrick spotted his friend Michael down on his hands and knees under the light looking for something on the ground. “What is it you lost Michael?” Patrick asked. “It’s me watch”, Michael answered. “It fell off when I tripped […]
The Best Funny Patrick Jokes
28 posts
Seamus and Patrick were walking through the woods when they came across this big deep hole in the ground. Now this didn’t look like any ordinary hole in the ground. It was really big and it also looked like it was really really deep as well. “Wow that hole looks […]
Patrick came home from work one day with not one but two black eyes. “What in bejazus happened to you?” his wife asked him. “I will never understand women”, Patrick replied. “I was going up an escalator behind this pretty young girl and I noticed that her skirt was stuck […]
Murphy and Patrick found three hand grenades. They weren’t sure what to do with them, but decided it was best to take them to the police station. Patrick said, “Hang on a minute, what if one of those hand grenades explodes before we get there?” Murphy replied, “No problem Patrick. […]
Patrick applied for a job as the head chef at a very fancy restaurant. “Come to the kitchen and show us what you can do”, the manager said to him. “Give me an egg”, said Patrick, “any size, any colour”. The manager reached over and gave Patrick an egg. As […]
Patrick and Seamus, two Irish friends, were talking over a drink when Seamus asked, “Have ye seen Murphy lately, Patrick?” Patrick said, “Well, I have and I haven’t”. Seamus looked rather puzzled and asked, “Shure, and what d’ye mean by that?” Patrick said, “It’s like this, you see. I saw […]
Patrick & Feargus were on board a small chartered airplane when the pilot suddenly had a heart attack and they needed to make an emergency landing. “Don’t Panic”, Patrick called out, heroically. “I’ll land this baby!” So, Patrick unfastened his seat belt, got up and moved to the co-pilot chair. […]
At the Dublin Court House last Wednesday, Mrs O’Hennessy was charged with shoplifting a tin of peaches from a local supermarket. The Judge asked the prosecuting solicitor, “How many peaches were in the tin?” The prosecuting solicitor replied, “There were four peaches Your Honour”. The Judge said to Mrs O’Hennessy, […]
Patrick was looking for a management position and went for a job interview with an executive for a position in his company. The executive wanted to learn something about Patrick’s personality, so he asked him, “If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?” […]
Murphy and Patrick went fishing one day down at the river, where Murphy knew a good spot to catch fish. Murphy was an experienced fisherman, but Patrick wasn’t and after a while, Murphy noticed that Patrick was behaving really odd. Every time the Murphy caught a big fish, he put […]
Murphy was hired to paint a green line down the middle of the streets in town to mark the St. Patrick’s Day parade route. On the first day, he got off to a good start and he painted the green line seven miles long. The next day, however, he painted […]
Murphy was a new employee at the office and he seemed to be working out ok, however after a few months he developed this habit of coming into work late every morning. Patrick, who was the office supervisor, couldn’t help but notice him coming through the office door late every […]