This is the scene one day in an Irish courthouse, during a murder case. The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “Sean O’Flaherty, you are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” Suddenly, a voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!” The judge, […]
Jokes tagged as: Paddy Jokes
17 posts
Paddy is your stereotypical Irishman and this is a collection of funny Paddy jokes.
Paddy is slang for Patrick, and referring to someone as “Paddy” loosely implies that the person is a yokel, more often than not drunk, as thick as two short planks, and a believer in God and miracles. You couldn’t wish for a better subject for some Irish jokes could you!
As well as Paddy, Irish jokes and stories often contain characters called Mick, Murphy, Sean or Liam, all common Irish names.
Michael from Dublin appeared on Irish television on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”. Towards the end of the program he had already won €500,000. “You have done very well so far”, said the show’s presenter, “but for a million Euros you have only got one life line left – […]
One fine summer day, Paddy was found dead in his back yard. As the weather was a bit on the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal remains wouldn’t take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the coffin, nailed […]
One evening, on his way home from work, Paddy popped into his local pub for a drink. The barman poured him a pint of Guinness and asked him if he wanted to be in a raffle. “What’s the raffle for?” asked Paddy. “It’s for a poor widow with 13 kids”, […]
Paddy is walking along the beach one day, when he sees an old bottle laying in the sand. He picks up the bottle and starts to brush it off, and with a huge puff of smoke, out pops a genie. The genie says to Paddy, “Since you have freed me […]
Paddy and Murphy drive their pickup truck into a lumberyard. Paddy walks in the office and says to the man on the desk, “We need some four by twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two by fours, don’t you?” Paddy said, “Just a minute, I’ll go check”, and he went […]
Murphy and Paddy were walking through the woods on their way back from the pub. In a the middle of the woods, they came across a sign that said, “Tree Fellers Wanted”. Murphy said, “Ye know Paddy, it’s a shame Michael isn’t here. We could have gotten the job”. Image […]
Uncle Seamus who was a seafarer all his life, and a while before he passed away, he made his nephews Mick and Paddy promise to bury him at sea. Sure enough, the time came when Uncle Seamus passed away, and Mick and Paddy decided that they ought to fulfill the […]
After dinner, Paddy raises his glass and toasts his girlfriend with the words “May you be in Heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you’re dead!” “What’s that mean?”. she asks him. “That is an authentic Irish toast” replies Paddy. “Oh. In that case”, she says, “Here’s to bread, eggs […]
Paddy saw his friend Murphy sitting in a pub and looking really distressed, so he went over and asked him what the problem was. Murphy replied, “My wife has gone and enrolled me in a bridge club.” “That doesn’t sound so bad to me” said Paddy, “so why are you […]
