The judge read out the charges, then asked Murphy, who was standing in the dock, “Are you the defendant in this case?” “No sir, your honor, sir”” Murphy replied. “I’ve got a Solicitor to do the defending. I’m the guy who done it”. Image used under a Collective Commons License […]
The Best Funny Murphy Jokes
Murphy’s wife went to the Police Station with her neighbour, Mrs O’Shea, to report that her husband was missing. The police officer asked her for a description of him. Murphy’s wife said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot tall, with dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 14 […]
An Irish farmer had a mule whose ears were so long, that every time he put him into the stable, the mule grazed his ears on the top of the doorway. So the farmer decided to knock six inches off the wall over the doorway. “Why don’t you take away […]
Murphy got a ride in a taxi so he could go into town. The taxi was about to turn a corner, but had to wait for the lights to change. The taxi driver wasn¹t sure his indicators were working, so he asked Murphy if he could look out the window […]
It was the height of summer in the city of Dublin and everyone was enjoying a summer fair. That is to say, except at the Dublin courthouse, where it was business as usual. In the dock stood Murphy, a real down and out drunk, with a nose as red as […]
Father Murphy was being honoured with a retirement dinner, after 25 years service in the parish. A leading local politician who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make a presentation to Father Murphy and to give a little speech at the dinner. Unfortunately, the politician was delayed, […]
Two old Irishmen were in their local pub one night and had both downed quite a few pints of Guinness. It was pretty obvious to look at the pair of them that they were both the worse for wear, sloshed, inebreiated (try saying that when you are drunk, let alone […]
Murphy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test with a local accountancy company. The tester took Murphy to a small office, where he sat him down and started to ask him some questions. Tester: “If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another […]
Murphy came home drunk as a skunk, only to find his angry wife standing at the front door waiting for him. When I say she was angry, she was livid, seething, furious and whatever other nasty mean ugly words to describe her mood that you might come up with. It […]
Murphy went into his doctor’s office to get his annual medical examination results. The doctor looked at him and said, “Mr. Murphy. We have had the results of your medical examination back and I’m afraid they aren’t good. Please take a seat if you will”. Murphy sat down and the […]