Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past them, loaded up with rolls of turf. Seamus turned and said, “You know what Murphy, I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery”. “What do you mean Seamus?” Murphy asked. Seamus replied, “I’m going to send […]
The Best Funny Lottery Jokes
10 posts
We can’t guarantee you will win the lottery, but we can pretty much guarantee that you will get some laughs from our Lottery Jokes.
The lottery is such a gambling dilemna isn’t it. If you buy a lottery ticket, the chances of you winning the jackpot are slim to none. Well actually, less than that. However, if you don’t buy a lottery ticket, your chance of winning is absolutely zero chance.
What do you do. Do you buy lotterey tickets and pray that you win, or do you just save your money and pray that if you had bought tickets they wouldn’t have won anyway?
Just like so many things in life, the lottery is a gamble. But our jokes are less of a gamble, there has to be something in our huge collection that makes you laugh. So read on and enjoy.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.pikist.com/free-photo-sjqvu
I would love to win the lottery, wouldn’t you? Can you imagine checking your lottery ticket to find that you were a millionaire? I have often wondered what I would do with my life if I could win the lottery big time. Actually I have pondered this quite often especially […]
Dear Future Son-in-Law, I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her engagement to you. I trust that you will find it in your heart to forgive me and forget that this ever happened? I was much too sensitive about your orange Mohawk haircut, […]
Four retired men were walking down the street when they saw a sign that said, “Old Timers Bar – All drinks 10 cents“. They looked at each other in disbelief and then went into the bar, thinking that this was too good to be true and if it was true, […]
“I Won The Lottery!” Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you won the lottery? You checked your lottery ticket, found that every number on your ticket matched those that were drawn and came to the realization that you were the lucky winner. How would you feel? […]
A man from New York won the lottery big time, overnight he became a millionaire many times over. He had always loved the old Western movies, and had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, so he decided to buy himself the spread of his dreams and moved to […]
So these three dead bodies all turned up at a mortuary in Dublin and what was really bizarre was that they all had enormous smiles on their faces. The coroner examined them all and then called the police to tell them what he believed had happened. “The first body is […]
A Scotsman was convinced by a friend that he ought to buy a couple of lottery tickets, and so reluctantly he parted with the money. Well what do you know, the Scotsman wins the Jackpot and becomes a millionaire.
Tom, Dick and Harry were in their local pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly lottery at the pub. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the lottery was drawn, they each […]
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. There she saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around the table were her parents, and all the other people she […]