The Best Funny Football Jokes

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This is our selection of funny football jokes, as against our selection of funny American Football jokes, which we categorised separately since it’s a different game.

Want to know the difference between American Football and Football in most of the rest of the world?

In the game of Football, players spend most of their time kicking the ball with their feet and touching it with your hands is not allowed, unless you are the goalkeeper of course. In American Football practically the only time you kick the ball is if your team loses it, which is no reason to call a game football instead of handball (in my opinion of course).

Anyhow, just ignore this European biased drivel and read on down to our football jokes and enjoy.

Image used under a Collective Commons License from

England vs Ireland At Wembley

England were playing the Republic of Ireland at Wembley Stadium. It was a big football game, especially for the Clancy brothers, who desperately wanted to see Ireland play, but hadn’t been able to tickets in advance. The two brothers went up to the ticket office, where Michael asked, “How much […]