A man staggers home late one night having been out drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife angrily snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
Jokes tagged as: Drunk Jokes
18 posts
A woman was shopping at her local Walmart supermarket, where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on […]
A drunk man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led his guests to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. “What’s that big brass gong?” one of the guests asked. “It’s not a gong. […]
Two drunk Irishmen are walking down a set of railway tracks. Murphy calls out to his friend Patrick: “Jesus Christ Pat, I’ve never seen so many stairs in me life”. Patrick answers: “F*ck that Murphy, it’s this low railing that’s killing me”. Image used under a Collective Commons License from: […]
A drunk middle-aged man gets up from the bar, and staggers off to the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why […]
A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, who have both obviously had a skinfull, judging by the way they are staggering along the road. The cop says to the first drunk, “What’s your name and address?” “I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.” The cop turns to the second drunk, […]
After a night of heavy drinking, two Irishmen stagger home from their country pub, intending to take a short cut through the graveyard. Being much the worse for wear, they decide to take a rest against a stone, where Paddy reads the inscription. “Do y’know, Michael, this fella here lived […]
Patrick Flaherty came home drunk again as he did every evening, just before ten o’clock. Now, the Missus was never too happy about this, so one night she hid in the cemetery that he passes on the way home, intending to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Patrick […]
A man who is obviously as drunk as a skunk, walks into the front door of a bar. He staggers up to the bar, somehow manages to seat himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it […]
Two women friends were walking home after a girl’s night out, when one turned to the other and said “Mary Jane, I’ve got to go, I REALLY have to go pee!”. Her friend Mary Jane said that she had to go as well, and as they were just passing the […]
