When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.pexels.com/photo/summer-sunshine-alcohol-drink-1862/
The Best Funny Drunk Jokes
25 posts
A drunk goes into a bar, walks up to the bartender and calls out, “Drinks for everyone, and one for you too”. The bartender serves everyone in the bar, including himself. “That will be fifty dollars, please”, he says to the drunk. “I don’t have any money”, the drunk says. […]
It’s a funny thing women getting drunk. When they are together at a party getting drunk, they always seem to do some really stupid and embarrassing things. It’s funny that when this happens, they can always tell when they have had too much and it’s time to go home. Hands […]
A police officer walked up to two Irish drunks in Galway and said to the first, “What’s your name and address young man?” “I’m Paddy O’Toole, of no fixed address”, the drunk replied. The police officer then turned to the second drunk and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Hare […]
Murphy was driving home having been out having a few pints of Guinness, he was drunk and also speeding. On his way home that night, he got pulled over by a Sikh police officer who was wearing a turban. The police officer asked him to get out of the car […]
A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger walks by and asks the drunk if he is okay. The drunk replies by asking him, “Do you know who I am?” The stranger says “No. Who are you?” The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus […]
One dark October night, two men were walking home after a night of drinking down the pub and decided to take a shortcut home through the cemetery. They had reached about the middle of the graveyard, which was pretty eerie in the pitch darkness, when they were startled by a […]
A man staggers home late one night having been out drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife angrily snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
A woman was shopping at her local Walmart supermarket, where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on […]
A drunk man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led his guests to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. “What’s that big brass gong?” one of the guests asked. “It’s not a gong. […]
