Father O’Reilly and Father Nolan were two Catholic priests assigned to a church in a small rural town in Ireland. Father O’Reilly went to see Father Nolan one afternoon and said to him, “You know what Father Nolan. I am sick and tired of all this clean living. Tonight, why […]
The Best Funny Confession Jokes
12 posts
We find confession jokes really funny and although it might be cruel to make fun of people making confessions, we can’t help but laugh at some of these funny confession stories.
Whether it’s a priest listening to his parishioners in the confession box, or someone confessing something that they have done to a confident, there have been some great confession jokes over the years and we hope that you enjoy our selection of them.
If you do, please help us by sharing our jokes with your friends to help make people aware that we are here to help people laugh. Thank you.
Father Murphy was being honoured with a retirement dinner, after 25 years service in the parish. A leading local politician who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make a presentation to Father Murphy and to give a little speech at the dinner. Unfortunately, the politician was delayed, […]
A teenage girl, complete with fake tan, eyelashes and eyebrows, went to church, knelt in the confessional box and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned”. “What is it, my child?” the priest answered. The teenage girl said, “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day […]
One day, while out on the golf course playing a round of golf with his wife, the husband said, “Honey, I have a confession to make. It’s been on my mind for a while now to be honest with you. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant […]
So, our favourite Irishman Murphy went into the confessional box one Sunday and had the surprise of his life. One wall of the confessional box was a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Murphy was gobsmacked. […]
As soon as she had finished parochial school in Ireland, Siobhan, who was a bright young girl, made her way to New York, where before long she became a successful performer in show business. Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday night went […]
An elderly priest was talking to his young assistant one day about his revolutionary ideas for trying to get more people to come to church on Sunday. The elderly priest said to the younger priest: “You know, I was rather dubious about your idea to replace the first four pews […]
An Irishman goes to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church. “Father”, he says to the priest, “it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.” The priest tells the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.” Soon […]
The new Priest at a local Catholic church is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The […]
Just imagine walking into a Catholic church and going into the confession box, only to find the Priest had been replaced by an automated Catholic confession system.
The new nun at the convent goes to her first confession and tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, “Father, I have to confess that I never wear panties under […]
The new parish priest is nervous about hearing confessions. It’s his first posting to a church, so he asks an older priest if he can sit in on his first confessions and offer him some guidance. The new priest listens to several confessions from parishioners, then the old priest asks […]