Seamus was walking along a Belfast street one night when suddenly he was confronted with a masked man who had a gun pointed right at him. The gunman asked him, “Are you Protestant or Catholic?” Well as you can imagine, poor Seamus was scared out of his wits, but he […]
The Best Funny Catholic Jokes
41 posts
Catholic jokes? Come on itm you found the right place. It’s easy to make fun of all religions and Catholics are not immune to having lots of religious jokes told about them. This is our collection of Catholic jokes which we hope you will enjoy reading.
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Father O’Reilly and Father Nolan were two Catholic priests assigned to a church in a small rural town in Ireland. Father O’Reilly went to see Father Nolan one afternoon and said to him, “You know what Father Nolan. I am sick and tired of all this clean living. Tonight, why […]
One lunchtime, the children were all lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school. At the head of the food counter was a large wicker basket that was filled with apples. One of the nuns had written a note that read “Take Only One – God Is Watching” […]
A Catholic couple had been married for five years and were desperate to have children, but no matter how often they tried, how many different positions they tried and no matter how many books they read on fertility, the wife still failed to get pregnant. So, they went to their […]
One Sunday, a Priest was giving a special children’s Mass to the congregation. During the homily, he asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children’s Mass is crucial, but as you probably already know, asking children questions in front of a congregation can […]
Little Johnny was really struggling to learn arithmetic, which had his parents concerned about his education and they had tried everything to help him. They got him a maths tutor. They bought flash cards. They even enrolled him in a special learning center. They had pretty much tried everything that […]
Seamus went to Sunday Mass one day and the priest almost fainted when he saw him, because Seamus had never been seen in church in all of his adult life. After the Sunday Mass had ended, the priest approached Seamus and said, “Seamus, I am so pleased you decided to […]
Father O’Reilly had been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decided to take a vacation. He was curious as to what everyday life was like in the USA, so he decided that now was a good time to visit and see for himself, before he […]
Murphy was proud of his nail making business and decided to employ an advertising company to help promote it. He had visions of Murphy’s Nails being the best nail making company in all of Ireland. So he went to a top advertising agency to have them create a marketing strategy […]
Ah the demon drink, the root of all evil, or so the church would have you believe. A Catholic priest in Ireland was giving one of his parishioners his usual sermon about the demon drink and the problems it causes. “Abstinence”, the priest said, “is a wonderful thing, Patrick”. “Sure […]
It was a really busy day “upstairs” and there were a lot of new arrivals at the gates of Heaven where a crowd had developed waiting to see if they would be allowed in. Heaven being what it is, it can sometimes get fairly busy with people waiting to get […]
Two nuns were shopping for some items on a hot summer evening at a 7-Eleven store. As they were passing the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening Sister Mary?” The second nun answered her, […]