In the beginning, God created the earth, but thousands of years later, mankind decided that nicely manicured lawns were an improvement on the natural environment that God had created. Mankind, especially those who live on the outskirts of the large cities, the “suburbanites”, no longer wanted to look out on […]
The Best Funny Advice Jokes
21 posts
A man was searching through the classified ads in the local paper, looking for a job. His eyes were suddenly drawn to an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman. He figured that being a toothbrish salesman couldn’t be such a bad job, so he called the number in the advertisement. He […]
An 86 year old man went to the doctors, walked into the crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist asked, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, the old man replied. The receptionist became embarrassed and irritated by this […]
The first year university student came running in tears to her father, crying “Dad, you really gave me some terrible financial advice!” “I did what?” her father said, somewhat shocked at what his daughter just said. “What did I tell you?” he asked. “You told me to put my money […]
A lady teacher at the school where I work recently got engaged and as a friend and colleague I offered her some marital advice. “The first ten years are the hardest”, I told her. “How long have you been married?” she asked me. “Ten years” I replied. Image used under […]
A rather lovely woman in her 30’s loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red on the vine in her garden. One day, while taking a stroll through the village where she lived, she came upon a gentlemen neighbour who had the most beautiful garden […]
A pastor was giving a sermon to his congregation about marriage and staying together. He asked his flock: “How many couples here have been married for one year?” A bunch of people in the congregation raised their hands. The pastor then asked, “How many couples have been married five years?” […]
If there was ever a list of pieces of sound advice to be passed down to your daughters, this has to be the best. Do you have any other words of wisdom that parents should pass down to their daughters? If so, please leave us a comment. Don’t imagine you […]
A Jewish man pays a visit to the Rabbi, “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be? Surely you must […]
Paddy and Bridget had just got married and were about to experience their wedding night in the bridal suite of a fancy hotel. Bridget was lying on her back on the bed, wearing an incredible shimmering silky negligee whimpering, “Take me Paddy. Take me now!” Paddy, being a good Catholic […]
A patient was being reviewed for possible release from the mental hospital. At his interview, when they asked him what he would do if he was released, he replied, “I am going to make a slingshot and then come back here and break every damn window in the place.” Obviously, […]
A city man was driving down a country road, when his car spluttered to a complete stop near a field of cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. “I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow. The man […]