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Staggering Home

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Seamus ended up staggering home very late one evening, after yet another one of his all too frequent alcohol binges at the local pub with his drinking buddy, Paddy.

He carefully took off his shoes in the hallway to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs that led to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. Yeah, we have all done it, painful isn’t it.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his backside.

A whisky bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful, not to mention losing his precious drink in the process.

Somehow managing not to yell out and wake his wife, Seamus pulled himself up, pulled down his trousers and looked in the hall mirror to see that his buttocks were cut and bleeding from the broken glass.

He managed to quietly creep into the kitchen where he found a full box of Band-Aid in the medicine cabinet and began putting them on his buttocks as best he could, everywhere that he could see blood.

Mission accomplished, Seamus then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way upstairs to the bedroom.

In the morning, Seamus woke up with searing pain in both his head and backside. He opened his eyes to find his wife Mary staring at him from across the bedroom.

She said, “You were drunk again last night weren’t you Seamus?”

Seamus said timidly, “Why would you say such a mean thing Mary?”

“Well”, Mary said, “it could be my finding the front door open this morning, or it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs. It could even be the drops of blood trailing through the house or your bloodshot eyes, but mostly, I think it’s all those Band-Aids that are stuck on the hall mirror!”

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