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Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

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You may love your cat, while I have often thought that cats are evil. If you had to, would you know where to look for signs your cat may be trying to kill you?

Have you ever wondered where your cat’s loyalty lies? Dogs are mostly loyal to their humans, but you never really know with cats. There are however, signs that your cat may be trying to kill you, if you know what to look for.

Cats are more often than not known to be arrogant and aloof. Where a dog might be your best friend, as far as most cats are concerned, you are just there to serve them and to tend to their every need.

A dog will “usually” forgive you for your failings, but you just never know with a cat. It’s quite likely that your cat might even be trying to do something nasty to you, even something fatal!

Here are some signs that your cat may actually be trying to kill you:

  1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  2. He actually *does* have your tongue.
  3. You find a stash of “Feline of Fortune” magazines behind the couch.
  4. There are cyanide paw prints all over the house.
  5. You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed (remember that horse head scene from The Godfather) .
  6. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
  7. Droppings in litter box spell out “REDRUM” (now there’s another good movie reference).
  8. Catch him with a new Mohawk looking in the mirror saying, “Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?”
  9. Takes attentive notes every time “Itchy and Scratchy” are on.
  10. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
  11. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  12. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboro’s on your doorstep.
  13. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
  14. You find a piece of paper labelled “MY WIL” which says “LEEV AWL 2 KAT.”
  15. Your cat now sharpens his claws on your car’s brake lines.

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