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Shakespeare was as we all know a very clever playright and poet, but what many people are not aware of is that he also had a real fancy way with words.

Some of Shakespeare’s letters and works contain quotes that use some flowery Tudor vocabulary, which doesn’t make for easy understanding to those of us who speak modern English.

However, a crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare’s quotes into modern day English and now we are all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed Tudoe scribe.

Take this example from the Bard’s Henry V, Act 2, Scene 3:

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.

Translated into modern English, this reads as:

We should masturbate more.

How about this gem from another of William Shakespeare’s plays, The Merchant Of Venice, Act 4, Scene 1:

The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.

Translated into modern English, this reads as:

Only fight sissies.

Wise words indeed Mr. S. Nobody likes a bloody nose, unless it’s the other person.

What do you make of this quote from Henry VI, Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2:

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.

Translated into modern English, this reads as:

Let’s kill all the lawyers. Really.

Well that was a bit easier, but how about this quote from Henry VIII, Act 1m Scene 1:

Be to yourself as you would to your friend.

Translated into modern English, this reads as:

It’s OK to sleep with your sister because your friend sure would.

Well I guess that’s ok if your family is into that kind of thing. I have a feeling you could get away with it in Tudor times, as well as boffing the maids and other servants.

I hope you enjoyed those Shakespeare quotes. If you would like us to post more historical trivia like this, please leave us a comment and also share this post with your friends. The more popular any post becomes, the more likely we are to post more that are aimilar.

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