Santa’s lump of coal. This is something I will never forget, that Christmas Eve when I was just five years old.
I had thrown quite a few tantrums that year, as I guess many five year olds do and to my horror, waking up on Christmas Morning, I had just one present and that was a lump of coal.
So, the following Christmas I decided to pay Santa back for being so mean to me.
I went to bed early as usual on Christmas Eve, then after my parents had gone to bed, I crept downstairs, went in the kitchen and into the cupboard under the sink, where I got out the rat poison and sprinkled some on the cookies that we left out for Santa.
What I hadn’t reckoned on though is that Santa is a bit like God. He not only knows if you are awake or not on Christmas Eve, he also knows what you are doing.
I woke up Christmas Day to the sound of sobbing coming from my parents bedroom.
Seems that fat bastard Santa had got wind of my plan to poison him and had gone and killed my Dad!
So watch out friends. I hope you have been good this year, but if you haven’t and Santa just gives you a lump of coal, deal with it!
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