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Redneck Math Challenge

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A friend of mine who is a Southener told me that he was sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South and showed me this Redneck Math exam paper. He reckoned that no “so called smart” Yankees would be able to pass the test.

I took a look at the exam paper, and was inclined to agree, I’m definitely not as smart as a Redneck when it comes to this kind of math.

How well can you do on this redneck math test?

  • Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
  • Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
    (A) ’65 Ford Fairlane
    (B) ’86 Dodge Diplomat
    (C) ’80 Ford pickup.
  • If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
  • A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
  • A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
  • A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man’s land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
  • A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
  • With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I bet you thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn’t you? It’s okay if ya didn’t do all that well. Just goes to show ya there’s a hole heap of things that big city book learning don’t prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the “Redneck Math Challenge“, here’s some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece…

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

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