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Public Golf Course

Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/golf-golfing-clubhouse-golf-course-1747079/

One of the most frustrating jobs in the world might be manning the phones in the clubhouse at a public golf course.

There are two kinds of people in the world. First there are those who play golf and understand the game, then second there are those who think that playing golf might be interesting to do but they really don’t have a clue about the game, how it’s played or the requirements.

The first group most likely belong to a members golf club where they associate with other people who know how to play golf and as members of the club they rather regard themselves as elite.

But in the second group we have those people who only play golf once in a blue moon, or who actually have never played golf in their life before.

So, naturally, they call their local public golf course and ask the stupidest of questions, which must have the person working in the clubhouse at the other end of the phone going crazy.

Here are some snippets of telephone conversations taken from public golf courses over the years, which make you seriously wonder about the callers and whether they are safe to be let loose with a set of golf clubs and balls.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: You mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that’s not it.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I’d like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o’clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o’clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We’ll try to squeeze you in.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o’clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What’s the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We’ll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don’t think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we’re all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o’clock and 10 o’clock. In the morning, if possible.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he’s on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it’s 15 dollars after 2 o’clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I’d like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don’t know, that’s why I called.

I have to admit, if that was me receiving those calls, I would be seriously tempted to make up the stupidest and most bizarre responses to see if the caller actually got them or believed what I was saying. How about you, how would you handle a job like that? Or maybe you would be the caller…


Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://pixabay.com/photos/golf-golfing-clubhouse-golf-course-1747079/

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