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Irish Baptism

Before performing a baptism in Ireland, the local priest, Father Reilly approached Seamus and said to him solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are ye prepared for it?” “I think I am father,” Seamus replied. “My wife has made a big buffet spread and Mrs O’Sullivan has baked biscuits and […]

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Sightseeing In New York

Two Irishmen are sightseeing in New York when they decide to call it a day and go for a drink. They come across an up-market looking Irish pub, which has a mirrored wall along one side and flashing lights everywhere. They sit themselves down at the bar, when one of […]

The Quickest Way

A man walks into a bar in Cork, Ireland, and asks the barman: “What’s the quickest way to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?”, asks the barman. “Driving’, says the man. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barman.

Irish Wedding

Patrick and Siobhan were married and it was a typical Irish wedding

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Three Hymns

One Sunday, a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money, and he asked the people to consider leaving a little extra in the offering plate during the service. The pastor said that whoever gave the most, would be able to pick out three hymns. Well, after […]

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Poisonous Mushrooms

“I was married 3 times” explained Paddy to Seamus, a newly discovered drinking partner, “and I’ll never marry again”. After another long swig of his pint of Guinness, Paddy continued. “My first 2 wives died of eating poisonous mushrooms, and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull.” “That’s a […]

The Irate Pharmacist

When he arrived home from work one day, Mike was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained to him what had happened… “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the […]

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The Honeymoon Is Over

My wife is a registered nurse, and once upon a time she fussed over every pain or mishap that I had. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over. I was about to fix the fan in the attic, and as I lifted myself from the ladder […]

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Enormous Smiles On Their Faces

So these three dead bodies all turn up at a mortuary in Dublin, and they all have enormous smiles on their faces. The coroner examines them all and then calls the police to tell them what has happened. “The first body is that of Jacques Dupont” the coroner said.  “He […]

Retirement

My broker called me this morning and said, “Remember that stock we bought and I said you’d be able to retire at age 55?” “Yes, I remember,” I said. “Well,” my broker continued, “your retirement age is now 108.” I know the feeling only too well, having purchased stocks in […]