Blonde City Girl

BLONDE CITY GIRL There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area. She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question. “Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” The farmer […]

Stevie Wonder

STEVIE WONDER Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man jumps out of […]

Buttercups

BUTTERCUPS Toward the end of the golf course, Harry somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods. He found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up trashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a […]

Ladies Night Out

LADIES NIGHT OUT Two women go out one Saturday night without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first […]

New Employee Policy

NEW EMPLOYEE POLICY As a result of the money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down our number of personnel. Under this plan older employees will be asked to go on to early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger employees who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out […]

A Short Quiz For My Brilliant Friends

I’m only sending this to my brilliant friends. Passing requires only 4 correct answers That’s a measily 40%. How well can you do? 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month […]

What Happens When You Fall In Love

What happens when you fall in love with: A chef? (You get buttered up.) A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.) A gambler? (He cheats on you.) A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.) A trashman? (He dumps you.) A clockmaker? (He two-times you.) A pastry cook? […]

Church Signs

CHURCH SIGNS Church Parking Lot Sign: “FOR MEMBERS ONLY” Trespassers will be baptized! No God – No Peace…Know God – Know Peace!! “Free trip to Heaven – Details Inside” Try our Sundays – They are better than Baskin Robbins! Wanting a new look? Have your faith lifted here! An ad […]

Hunting Incident

HUNTING INCIDENT A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts […]

Going To Heaven

GOING TO HEAVEN Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do […]