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Dirty Little Boy

A dirty little boy was playing at the playground. He walked up to his mother, who was sitting on a bench watching him, tapped her on the arm and asked, “Who am I?” His mother thought for a minute and replied, “I don’t know! Who are you?” The little boy […]

Image Copyright Tony Payne 2020

The Irish Fisherman

An Irish fisherman was lying lazily beside his boat on the beach, smoking a pipe. A wealthy American businessman who was walking along the beach, couldn’t understand why the Irishman was just lying there doing nothing. “Why aren’t you out fishing?” the American asked him. “Because I have caught enough […]

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Shiny Object

A blonde woman sees a shiny object in the window of a store. Curious about the shiny object, she goes into the store and asks the store clerk, “What is that thing?” The store clerk responds, “It’s a thermos”. The blond then asks, “What does it do?” The clerk says […]

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Successful Young Lawyer

A successful young lawyer was on his way to court, to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit, when he suddenly found himself at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside the pearly gates, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some […]

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International Convicts

Three international convicts were in the bus on their way to prison. Each of them had been allowed to take just one item with them, to help occupy their time while they were incarcerated. On the bus, they each turned to one another to see what the other ones had […]

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Lady Of The Night

Donald and his wife are having a hard time financially, so they decide that she will try her hand at being a “lady of the night” to see if that helps. She is not quite sure what to do, so Donald says to her, “Stand in front of that bar […]

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Two Irish Drunks

A police officer walked up to two Irish drunks in Galway and said to the first, “What’s your name and address young man?” “I’m Paddy O’Toole, of no fixed address”, the drunk replied. The police officer then turned to the second drunk and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Hare […]

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The Old Snake

An old snake found that his eyesight was no longer as good as it was, so he went to see his Doctor. “Please Doctor, I need something for my eyes, I can’t see well these days”,  the snake said. The Doc fixed him up with a pair of glasses and […]

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A Blonde A Redhead And A Brunette

Three girls, a blonde, a redhead and a brunette, all died within minutes of each other and ended up together at the pearly gates of Heaven. When they went to enter through the gates, they were stopped by St. Peter and an obedient angel. St. Peter motioned for the girls […]

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Coffins

Murphy, Paddy & Seamus were sitting in a bar and the topic turned to dying and eventually to their discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Seamus said, “I would like them to say ‘He was a wonderful family man. He always […]