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Old Sister Margaret

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Old Sister Margaret had been an impeccable nun all her life, obeying all the rules of the convent and devoting herself to “The Lord“, but one day, as will happen to all of us when we get old, she was called “upstairs” to her reward.

As she approached the Pearly Gates, to make her way into the Heavenly Kingdom, Saint Peter stopped her and said, “Hold on a minute Sister Margaret, don’t be in such a rush to get into Heaven”.

“But I have been good all my life and dedicated myself to the work of the Lord”, Sister Margaret said. “From the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the convent, to my dying breath, I have lived for this moment”.

“That is just the problem”, St. Peter replied. “You lived your whole life doing everything that was right, but you never learned right from wrong and to get into heaven, you must know the difference between right and wrong”.

“Well what can I do?” Sister Margaret asked. “I will do anything to get into heaven”, she pleaded.

St. Peter thought for a moment and said to her, “I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there, I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then”.

So, Sister Margaret returned to Earth, bought herself a pack of Camel cigarettes, because of all the brands that she could see on the shelf, her Lord would have ridden on a camel, so she thought that would be the best brand for her to try.

Well, the smoked the cigarette and then immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking.

“St. Peter”, she gasped, “I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy and I think I am going to throw up”.

“Good!” St. Peter replied. “That is good, you are finally getting a feel for right and wrong”.

“Can I enter Heaven now?” Sister Margaret asked.

“Not yet”, St. Peter replied. “There are still some tasks that you need to complete. Now I want you to go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me back when you are ready”.

So, the following morning, Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter, having been to a bar and ordered several shots of Jack Daniels.

“Saint Peter. I feel woozy. That vile liquid burned my throat and nauseated me. It is all I can do to keep it down, I feel terrible and now I know why they call it the demon drink”.

“Good, good”, St. Peter replied. “You are making excellent progress and starting to see the difference between right and wrong”.

He added, “Now it’s time for your final test. If you pass this one, we will welcome you into the Kingdom of Heaven”.

“What is my final test to be?” Sister Margaret asked St. Peter.

“Tomorrow, I want you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense and then call me”, he said.

Well, a week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message.

“Hello, Pete. It’s Peggy. I may be a while!”

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