The Laughline
Thousands Of The Best Funny Jokes To Make You Laugh

Offbeat News 22nd September 2010

Offbeat NewsOffbeat News is a selection of weird news stories that have surfaced in the last week. This is a selection of the best Offbeat news stories that we found and we hope they will leave you as astounded as they did us:

The Conservative Politician Who Meddled With The Occult

Christine O’Donnell is a conservative Republican politician in the US Senate who is apparently well known for her views on Christianity and human morals.

For example, she once led a national campaign against masturbation on television, and claimed that homosexuals suffer from an identity disorder.

Well now an 11 year old recording has come to light, from when Christine appeared on Bill Maher’s show Politically Incorrect, that shows her admitting to dabbling in witchcraft when she was younger.

“I never joined a coven” said Christine on the tape, “I just hung around people who were doing these things”.

Christine admitted on the recording that one of her first dates was with a witch on a satanic altar, complete with blood and “stuff like that”.

Christine O’Donnell is naturally trying to play all of this down, meantime Bill Maher is trying to get her to come on his show, and he says that if she doesn’t, he will be showing a clip every week.

I may have to switch to watching his show…

Read the full story HERE.

Giant Snake Found In Polish Toilet

An elderly woman in the city of Wroclaw in Poland lifted the lid of her toilet last week and there inside was a 2 metre long Anaconda staring back at her.

The woman, who is 73, slammed the toilet lid shut and called the police.

An employee from the local zoo came with the police, and identified the snake as an Anaconda, and assumed that it must have navigated the plumbing system in the apartment block before arriving at the toilet.

I just wonder how many of you are shuddering at the mere thought right now?

Just think – if the snake had arrived just a few moments later, as the sky went dark, it started to rain, and there was the sound of thunder… It could have been followed by an almighty scream and I dread to think what else…

Ok, so who is going to look twice when they next go to the toilet?

Read the full story HERE.

Firefighters Have To Deal With Occupant Before Fire

Firefighters who were called to a house in Southport in Florida last Sunday had to fight off one of the residents, a 70 year old man, before they could get to tackle the flames.

When the local deputy entered the house, the man was apparently sitting in a chair and refused to move.

The place was filled with smoke, and another man, later identified as his stepson, was trying to fight the flames with a fire extinguisher.

The stepson left the house, but the deputy had to forcibly remove the elderly man, who as the firefighters arrived fought to keep them out while he tried to get back inside.

The man was eventually subdued by the deputy, as he was obviously under the influence of alcohol.

The damage was fortunately only to the kitchen, and nobody was hurt.

The fire started apparently when the man was trying to cook a piece of fish in a pan filled with grease. The pan caught fire and the flames spread to the rest of the kitchen.

Read the full story HERE.

Fake Doctor Fails To Give Woman A Perfect Butt

A doctor who claimed that she could give a woman the perfect butt turned out to be a fake.

The woman met the so called doctor outside a health spa in Miami last year, and she gave her a leaflet about buttock augmentation using injections.

The fake doctor, Ana Josepha Sevilla aged 54, claimed that she was a licensed doctor who worked for a health spa, and that she was licensed to work across the country.

After several further meetings, the woman handed over $1,100 and a date was set for the procedure.

This is where things began to go wrong, starting with the first injection, which was supposed to be an anesthetic, but apparently did nothing to numb the pain.

The following injections were so painful that the woman ended up passing out.

Following the treatment, she felt unwell and disoriented, and sought medical help.

It is a good job that she did, since doctors (real ones this time) told her that if she had not been treated right away, she could have lost her leg or worse.

As it was, she had to have surgery and was kept in hospital for two weeks.

So maybe next time you feel the need to ask “does my butt look good?”, you will recall this story and just make do with what Mother nature gave you.

Read the full story HERE.

Britain Could Be The Worst Country In Europe

A quality of life index that was published this week shows that life in the UK is not as wonderful as you might have been led to believe.

Britain has the fourth highest retirement age, also one of the lowest holiday entitlements, and the cost of essentials, such as petrol, food and electricity are also above average.

Less is spent on health and education than the average in Europe, and earnings are also slipping down the ranks.

It’s enough to make us Brit’s feel even more grumpy, knowing that they only get 22 days holiday as compared to the French who get 36 days. The French also get to retire at 59 and have the most spent on healthcare in Europe.

However, the UK does still provide more days off and shorter working weeks than most companies in the USA. I wonder how they would rank is included in the survey?

I still think I wouldn’t mind moving to France though.

Read the full story HERE.

Oh No – Beatles Tribute Needs A Yoko

It is now more than 40 years since the legendary recording of “All We Are Saying, Is Give Peace A Chance” was recorded by John Lennon and Yoko Ono at their “Bed In For Peace” protest at the Hilton Hotel in Amsterdam.

A Beatles tribute act is seeking to recreate this in Bournemouth on October 2nd for what would have been John’s 70th birthday, but they are missing a key component – a Yoko Ono.

The tribute band, named appropriately Sgt Pepper’s Only Dart Board Band, recaptured the famous Abbey Road sleeve last year, and are hoping to find a Yoko to make this recreation complete.

Read the full story HERE.

As always, your comments on any of these news stories are appreciated, and if you enjoy News From A Weird World, please share this edition with your friends.

Sources Include:

Digital Spy

ABC News Australia

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

The Bournemouth Echo

The London Evening Standard

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Laughline
WP Twitter Auto Publish Powered By :