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New Airline Rules

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Whoa! New airline rules! Well that’s all we need right now isn’t it!

With all the problems that the airlines have been going through, including the cutting of services, these new airline rules are a scenario that just might become reality in the near future.

In fact, with a number of budget airlines, especially in Europe, some of these things are already a reality.

Gone are the days on some flights where tea, coffee and snacks were free. Now you even have to pay for water on a flight!

I have to admit I miss the days when I could travel easily without having to worry about the penny pinching, and I also used to get free upgrades quite frequently as well.

But back to today with the new airline rules and a likely taste of what is to come:

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locater fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.

Passenger: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry on assistance fee.

Passenger: But you asked me if I wanted a hand with my baggage. This is extortion. I won’t stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10 from you.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there’s a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don’t have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there’s a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For crying’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto that sire. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.

I don’t know who wrote the original of this, but they certainly had a gift for seeing into the future. It seems like every flight you take these days has lots of extras that you have to pay for, like checked in baggage, meals, snacks and drinks on board.

Of course if you are paying to fly Business or First Class those are usually included, “still”, but then you are paying up to four times the price for a bigger seat and more leg room.

I have certainly had a few uncomfortable flights where my knees were firmly pressed into the back of the seat in front of me, causing me to wince every time the person in front moved. Flying sure isn’t what it used to be that’s for sure.

Do you have any flying horror stories to tell? If so, please do leave us a comment (there is a form further down the page), or let us know via our Facebook or Twitter pages. We would love to hear from you, especially if it’s funny.

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