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Marital Problems

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: husband and wife are having marital problems, so they arrange an appointment with a marriage counselor.

First, the wife goes in and speaks to the counselor alone.

The counselor asks her, “You say you have been married for 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?”

The wife replies, “It’s my husband, he’s driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!”

“How does he drive you crazy?”, the counselor asks her.

“For 20 years,” she says, “he’s been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he’s always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It’s very embarrassing.”

The marriage counselor is amused at this unusual atatement.

“Anything else?” he asks her.

“He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!”, she replies.

“Hmm, that is rather odd and disgusting”, he sayd. “Is there anything else?”

The wife hesitates, “whenever we make love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I’d like to be in control!”

“Ah”, says the counselor, “I think I’ll talk to your husband now.”

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.

The counselor tells him, “Your wife says that you’ve been driving her crazy. She might even leave you.”

The husband looks shocked, “WHAT? For 20 years I’ve been loving and considerate and I’ve always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?”

The counselor explains, “She says that you’ve got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you’re always acting strange in public; looking at the floor and never going near anyone else.”

The husband looks concerned, “Oh, you don’t understand! It’s one of the few things my father told me to do on his death bed and I swore I’d obey everything he said.”

“What did he say?”, the counselor asked.

“He said that I should never step on anyone’s toes!”

The counselor looks amused, “Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry.”

The husband looks sheepish, “Oh. Okay.”

The counselor continues, “And you keep picking your nose in public.”

“Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean.”

The counselor looks faint, “That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity.”

“Oh,” says the husband feeling very stupid.

“And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking.”

“This,” says the husband seriously, “is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it’s the most important thing.”

“What did he say?” asks the counselor.

“With his dying breath, he said, ‘Don’t sc*ew up.'”

Image used under a Collective Commons License from:

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