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Marital Problems

Image used under a Collective Commons License from:,0,3.

A husband and wife were having marital problems. Lately they had been arguing all the time, so they arranged an appointment with a marriage counselor.

First, the wife went in and spoke to the counselor alone.

The counselor asked her, “You say you have been married for 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?”

The wife replied, “It’s my husband. He is driving me crazy! I’m going to leave him if he continues!”

“How does he drive you crazy?” the counselor asked her.

“For 20 years,” she said, “he’s been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he’s always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It’s very embarrassing”.

The marriage counselor is amused at this unusual statement.

“Is there anything else?” he asked her.

“He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!”, she replied.

“Hmm, that is rather odd and disgusting”, he said. “Is there anything else?”

The wife hesitated, then blushing, she added, “whenever we make love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I’d like to be in control!”

“Ah”, the counselor said, “I think I’ll talk to your husband now.”

So the wife went out of the room and the husband entered.

The counselor told him, “Your wife says that you’ve been driving her crazy. She might even leave you.”

The husband looked shocked, “WHAT? For 20 years I’ve been loving and considerate and I’ve always given her what she wanted! What could be the problem?”

The counselor explained, “She says that you’ve got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you’re always acting strange in public; looking at the floor and never going near anyone else.”

The husband looks concerned, “Oh, you don’t understand! It’s one of the few things my father told me to do on his death bed and I swore I would obey everything he said.”

“What did he say?”, the counselor asked.

“He said that I should never step on anyone’s toes”, the husband replied.

The counselor looked amused, “Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry.”

The husband looked sheepish, “Oh. Okay”, he said, going red.

The counselor continued, “And you keep picking your nose in public?”

“Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean”, the husband said.

The counselor looked faint. “That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity”, he told the husband.

“Oh”, the husband replied, now feeling very stupid.

“And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking, why would that be?” the counselor asked him.

“This”, the husband said in a serious voice, “is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it’s the most important thing”.

“What did he say?” the counselor asked.

The husband replied, “With his dying breath, my father said, ‘Don’t sc*ew up’!”

Image used under a Collective Commons License from:,0,3.

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