This is a list of male chauvinist quotes, a whole lot of anti-women jokes. Please ladies, before you get offended by these, we didn’t intend to offend anyone, just look on the funny side. We do also have a lot of anti-men jokes here on our site, so you can get your own back and have a good laugh at us men.
Life should be about being able to recognize our differences and traits and being able to laugh at them, not get wound up by them. We hope you can see the funny side and have a good laugh at these.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she’s been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with ‘A man once told me…’
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
I married my ‘Miss Right’.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Women%27s_liberation_LCCN2015648281.jpg
One thought on “Male Chauvinist Quotes”
You had me in stitches. Would love hear more.
Going to put a link on my site