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Life Explained

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Have you ever sat and pondered over the meaning of life? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have life explained to us? What is life anyway? It seems like all we do is grow up, work hard, grow old, and what for?

But there is a reason for all of this and just to help you understand the meaning of life, here is life explained.

To explain life, human life that is, we have to go back thousands of years, even millions of years if you believe that history didn’t really happen like we were taught at school.

But I digress… To explain the meaning of life, let us go back before the Garden of Eden, and the point of creation…

On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog replied: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

And God said “Well I never, a talking dog!”

No no no… sorry wrong joke, scrub that last bit…

So God agreed, and gave the dog a lifespan of ten years, give or take.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said: “Thank you God, but monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten years like the dog did?”

And God agreed (without any comments about a talking monkey, but you don’t know what he was thinking, and he probably gave a sly smile at the mere thought that a monkey could talk).

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty years and I will give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again, meantime thinking with all this talking to animals and them talking back, he must be some kind of Doctor Dolittle or something, even though Doctor Dolittle wouldn’t be written for another few millenia, but maybe God just planted the seed for the book in the annals of time.

But I digress again…

Well, on the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat , sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So, that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves as we were meant to.

Then, for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

Finally, for the last ten years of our lives we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. Confused yet…

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