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Internal Revenue Service Audit

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Benjamin arrived for his Internal Revenue Service audit, accompanied by another man.

Going over his tax records, the IRS official said, “Well sir, it appears that you have been living at a much higher level than your reported income allows. How do you explain that?”

Benjamin replied, “I love to gamble and I always win, that’s how I am able to have such a good lifestyle”.

The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look, having heard many such stories in his career at the IRS.

“I can prove it”, Benjamin. “Would you like me to demonstrate?”

The official thought a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead”.

Benjamin said, “I bet you a thousand dollars, that I can bite my own eye”.

The auditor thought a moment and said, “There is no way that you can do that! It’s a bet!”

So, Benjamin removed his glass eye and bit it.

The official’s jaw dropped.

Benjamin said, “Now, I will bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye”.

The official could tell that Benjamin wasn’t blind, so he took the bet.

Benjamin proceeded to remove his dentures and bit his good eye.

The stunned official was now three grand in the hole, and oh boy was he frustrated at being so gullible!

“Want to go double or nothing?” Benjamin asked. “I bet you six thousand dollars, that I can stand on your desk and pee into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between”.

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there was no way that this man could manage that stunt, so he agreed again to take the bet!

So, Benjamin climbed up on the auditor’s desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much got pee all over the desk, with puddles everywhere.

The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win!

Yes, his desk was soaked in pee, as was much of his office, but he had finally won a bet against Benjamin, who he was beginning to find really frustrating.

But then, he noticed that Benjamin’s friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

The man replied, “Not really. Yesterday Benjamin bet me twenty thousand dollars, that he could pee on your desk and you would be happy about it!”

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