I’m Glad I’m A Man

im-glad-im-a-manI’m glad I’m a man, you better believe,
I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, cottage cheese;

I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts,
I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west;

I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don’t end up in tears;

I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair;

And I don’t go around checking my reflection,
In everything shiny window from every direction;

I don’t whine in public and make us leave early,
And when you ask why get all bitter and surly;

I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing,
I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring!

I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back,
I don’t carry our differences into the sack;

I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you,
Or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you;

I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too,
I know what the time is and I know what to do;

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
To have these two balls and stand when I pee;

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball,
It’s more fun than dealing with women after all;

I won’t cry if you say it’s not going to work,
I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk!

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure,
I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure;

Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a man, you see,
I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery;

I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days,
I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise;

I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true,
I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!

This poem was written by Steven Wood.  Here is a short bio on Steven:
I am primarily an Actor but I have also dabbled in Directing and Writing both plays and comedy poems. I have been very well received by a variety of people in the industry and I am always thankful of their good wishes. 
“Steven is a fantastic young aspiring Actor, Director and Writer. he knows what he wants and will not stop in life until he achieves his goals, I admire him for this” (The Sun)”

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