How To Change The Engine Oil In Your Car

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://pixabay.com/en/car-mechanic-automobile-service-1751750/You know how men and women often do things differently. Did you know that even changing the engine oil in your car could be a totally different experience depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

For a start, when it comes to technical things, women tend to find a man who can do those things for them. Men on the other hand, are more likely to want to do things themselves, rather than trusting someone else to do it.

The results can vary of course, and so can the complexity of the situation, and the time it takes to do it.

How Women Change The Engine Oil In Their Car:

  1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
  2. Drink a cup of coffee.
  3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

How Men Change The Engine Oil In Their Car:

  1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner, and a scented tree.
  2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of  taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle it, dump the oil in a hole in the back yard.
  3. Open a beer and drink it.
  4. Jack the car up.
  5. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
  6. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
  7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
  8. Place drain pan under engine.
  9. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
  10. Give up and use crescent wrench.
  11. Unscrew drain plug.
  12. Drop drain plug in the pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.
  13. Clean up.
  14. Have another beer while the oil is draining.
  15. Look for oil filter wrench.
  16. Give up; poke the oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
  17. Have another beer.
  18. A buddy shows up; finish the case of beer with him.
  19. Decide to finish the oil change tomorrow.
  20. The next day, drag the pan full of old oil out from underneath the car.
  21. Throw the oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on the oil you spilled during  step 18.
  22. Go and look for another beer. Unfortunately, you drank it all yesterday.
  23. Walk to the 7-11; buy beer.
  24. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of clean oil to the gasket first.
  25. Dump the first quart of fresh oil into the engine.
  26. Remember the drain plug from step 11.
  27. Hurry to find the drain plug in the drain pan.
  28. Hurry to replace the drain plug before the whole quart of  fresh oil drains onto the floor.
  29. Slip with the wrench and bang your knuckles on the frame.
  30. Bang your head on floor board in reaction.
  31. Begin a cussing fit.
  32. Throw the wrench across the garage.
  33. Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because the wrench hit Miss December (Pirelli Calendar) in the left boob.
  34. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to  your knuckle.
  35. Have a well deserved beer.
  36. Have another well deserved beer.
  37. Dump in the additional 4 quarts of oil.
  38. Have another beer.
  39. Lower the car from the jack stands.
  40. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
  41. Move the car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
  42. Drive the car away.

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://pixabay.com/en/car-mechanic-automobile-service-1751750/

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