Men think very differently to women and in many ways have a completely different outlook on life.
Not only that, men also have different priorites to women.
Keeping the house clean and tidy or grocery shopping would take a lower priority to watching football and hanging out with your buddies.
Here are just a few thoughts on how different our world might be, if only…
- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you“.
- Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again” cards.
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the football game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen and during a time-out.
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “It was nice while it lasted, better luck next time” would pretty much do it.
- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
- Each year, your raise would be linked to the fortunes of the football team of your choice.
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus, right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the “public ugliness” ordinance.
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Garbage would take itself out.
- Instead of a beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps“.
- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife to be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!“
- Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
- On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. The same would apply for Mother’s Day, too.
- St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated on the 17th of every month.
- Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
- The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of fuel.
- Every man would get four real “Get Out of Jail Free” cards a year.
- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: “You know how fast you were going”
You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place”
Cop: “Nice one. That’s $10 off”
- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
Once you start to think about it, the possibilities are endless. Any more you can think of? Just leave us a comment and we will add them to the list.
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