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Five Kinds Of Sex During Marriage

Couple In Bedroom Argument. Image used under a Collective Commons License from

Did you know that there are five kinds of sex during marriage? Yes indeed, there are five kinds of sex during marriage. If you don’t believe me, I have detailed these below and if you have been married for a while, or indeed like me been divorced, I’m sure you will understand and agree that this is all true.

The first kind of sex during marriage is Smurf Sex.

Smurf sex happens during the honeymoon. It’s where you both keep doing it until you are blue in the face.

Yes I know, you have been there too right? It’s like you are competing in some kind of sex marathon and just have to keep going and going.

The second kind of sex during marriage is Kitchen Sex.

This usually happens at the beginning of the marriage. You will have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.

Some people often refer to this as Martini sex, as in the old Martini commercials, “any time, any place, anywhere”.

The third kind of sex during marriage is Bedroom Sex.

This happens after you have been married a while and things have calmed down a bit. Perhaps by this time you also have kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.

Of course that’s not foolproof, especially when a baby starts to cry or “junior” wakes up from a bad dream. Oh boy does he get a surprise when he opens his parents bedroom door.

The fourth kind of sex during marriage is Hallway Sex.

This happens when things have settled down and it all starts to go wrong. When you pass each other in the hallway, no more kissing or groping, you just try and avoid each other and say, “F*ck you!”

There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex.

This is when you get divorced and your wife f*cks you in front of everyone in court.

Now I’m sure if you have been through the courting, marriage and divorce cycle you will have experienced most of these. Well maybe all of them and more besides. If you have some stories to tell, we would love to hear them. Pleas do leave us a comment and if it’s appropriate we will add it to the post.

Image used under a Collective Commons License from

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