The Laughline
Thousands Of The Best Funny Jokes To Make You Laugh

Dilbert’s Laws Of Work

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/felix100felix/2183101174

Dilbert’s laws of work. It wouldn’t be funny if these weren’t all so true. Actually, is it funny, or is it just sad…

  • If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  • Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.
  • Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
  • Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
  • To error is human, to forgive is not our policy.
  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
  • Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  • You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  • People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  • When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • Following the rules will not get the job done.
  • Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
  • When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
  • No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
  • The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
  • And lastly, ‘responsible management’ and “hands-on management’ are both oxymorons.

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/felix100felix/2183101174

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Laughline