It was Christmas Eve and a man was up on a roof top about to jump off and end it all.
His wife was leaving him for another man, he had lost his job and he owed thousands of pounds to the bank. Life had just gone so horribly wrong for him, he felt that he couldn’t take any more.
Just as he finished his prayers and closed his eyes, ready to jump, Santa Claus came up from behind and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Are you Ok?” asked Santa Claus.
The man was really surprised, I mean he didn’t expect to find anyone else up on the roof top, but Santa Claus! Well that was beyond belief.
But anyhow, having someone there to talk to, the man explained why he was so miserable and got ready to jump off the roof.
“STOP!” shouted Santa Claus. “It’s Christmas Eve”.
Quickly, Santa continued, before the man had a chance to jump.
“I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!”
“Would you?” the man replied. “That would be wonderful!! Thank you Santa, thank you!”
Santa Claus promised him:
“You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return. She will have no recollection of her new boyfriend”.
“You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking”.
“You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit. You will also have no outstanding bills”.
“Oh thank you, thank you!” the man replied. “What is it that I can do for you Santa?”
Santa Claus asked the man to drop his pants and bend over.
After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water, Santa Claus asked the man how old he was.
“36”, the man replied.
“Ho, Ho, Ho, THIRTY SIX! And you still believe in Santa Claus?”
I found this even funnier if you imagine Santa talking like Billy Connelly.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from https://www.flickr.com/photos/ladydragonflyherworld/4123836038