A very thrifty Scotsman (now that’s a rare sight), goes to a restaurant with his wife and young son for dinner. When they are seated, the Scotsman asks the waitress, “Do you have any special price deals?” The waitress replies, “Well tonight is Wednesday, so all kids eat free”. The […]
Jokes in category: Scottish Jokes
10 posts
Och ay mon we have some reet crackin’ Scottish jokes for you here.
If you like funny stories and jokes about Bagpipes (scary things those), men in Kilts, Scottish accents, or anything Scottish (take Sean Connery for example), this is the place to come.
Now Scotsmen also have a reputation for being some of the tightest people on Earth when it comes to money, especially those who live up in the Highlands of Scotland. Trying to get money from a Scotsman is like trying to get blood out of a stone, and so you also might find some miserly jokes in here as well.
We hope you enjoy this selection of fine Scottish jokes.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikecogh/7118574995
A Scotsman is due to get married and he and his friend Archie are sitting in their local pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. “Ach, it’s all going grand”, says Jock. “I’ve got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag […]
Angus was a young Scotsman who decided to see what it would be like to live in Australia. He flew out to Sydney, where he found himself an apartment in Kings Cross and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son […]
It was a terrible winter for the Highlands of Scotland with most of the land being buried under thick snow. It had been colder than normal, and there had been three months of unbroken blizzards, resulting in most of Scotland being covered in a thick blanket of snow that was […]
The story goes that there was a Scottish painter and decorator named Hamish McTaggart, who was always very interested in making a penny where he could. One way that he found he could do this was to thin down his paint to make it go just a a wee bit […]
A wealthy Arab sheik was admitted to the hospital for surgery. As the sheik had a rare type of blood, the hospital didn’t have any and none could be found locally, a call was sent out to try and find anyone who had a match. After several days of searching, […]
Hamish asked the bus conductor how much the bus fare was into Glasgow city centre. “50p”, said the bus conductor. Hamish thought this was a bit much, so he decided to run behind the bus for a few stops. “How much is it now?”, he gasped. “Still 50p”, said the […]
Donald McDonald, a Scotsman from the Isle of Skye, went to study at an English university He was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there, and after he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. “And how do you find the […]
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands of Scotland. They had been silent for a while, when the lass turned and said to him, “A penny for your thoughts.” The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, “Well, I was […]
A Scotsman was convinced by a friend that he ought to buy a couple of lottery tickets, and so reluctantly he parted with the money. Well what do you know, the Scotsman wins the Jackpot and becomes a millionaire.
