Och ay mon we have some reet crackin’ Scottish Jokes for you here.
An Australian walked into a pub and stood there at the bar beside a Scotsman. They got chatting, as you do when you are standing at the bar in a pub and supping a few beers. The Scotsman was talking away with with his best Sean Connery accent and the […]
The Best Collection Of Scottish Jokes
14 posts
Och ay mon we have some reet crackin’ Scottish Jokes for you here.
If you like funny stories and jokes about Bagpipes (scary things those), men in Kilts, Scottish accents, or anything Scottish (take Sean Connery for example), this is the place to come.
Now Scotsmen also have a reputation for being some of the tightest people on Earth when it comes to money, especially those who live up in the Highlands of Scotland. Trying to get money from a Scotsman is like trying to get blood out of a stone, and so you also might find some miserly jokes in here as well.
We hope you enjoy this selection of fine Scottish jokes.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikecogh/7118574995
A helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and the pilot had to make an emergency landing. After a somewhat tricky but successful landing on a hill top, the pilot got out of the helicopter ok and made his way on foot to a cottage that he […]
It was the opening night of the latest production at the theatre, it was a murder mystery play. A Scotsman went up to the ticket office, only to learn that the show was completely sold out. He found an usher and pleaded with him, in his Scottish brogue (just read […]
A very thrifty Scotsman (now that’s a rare sight), goes to a restaurant with his wife and young son for dinner. When they are seated, the Scotsman asks the waitress, “Do you have any special price deals?” The waitress replies, “Well tonight is Wednesday, so all kids eat free”. The […]
A Scotsman is due to get married and he and his friend Archie are sitting in their local pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. “Ach, it’s all going grand”, says Jock. “I’ve got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag […]
Angus was a young Scotsman who decided to see what it would be like to live in Australia. He flew out to Sydney, where he found himself an apartment in Kings Cross and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son […]
It was a terrible winter for the Highlands of Scotland with most of the land being buried under thick snow. It had been a colder winter than normal and there had been three months of unbroken blizzards, one heavy snow storm after another. As a result, most of Scotland had […]
The story goes that there was a Scottish painter and decorator named Hamish McTaggart, who was always very interested in making a penny where he could. One way that he found he could do this was to thin down his paint to make it go just a a wee bit […]
A wealthy Arab sheik was admitted to the hospital for surgery. As the sheik had a rare type of blood, the hospital didn’t have any and none could be found locally, a call was sent out to try and find anyone who had a match. After several days of searching, […]
Hamish asked the bus conductor how much the bus fare was into Glasgow city centre. “50p”, said the bus conductor. Hamish thought this was a bit much, so he decided to run behind the bus for a few stops. “How much is it now?”, he gasped. “Still 50p”, said the […]
