I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco […]
Jokes in category: Medical Jokes
50 posts
We have a great collection of Medical Jokes here for you, with everything from a trip to the doctor to a nasty experience in hospital.
I know it’s not funny getting sick, but it does provide us with a lot of scenarios to make jokes about.
We believe that on The Laughline we have one of the best collections of jokes about hospitals, doctors and nurses and just about anything to do with medicine and getting sick. I hope you enjoy them.
Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/xubangwen/9642236052
Three lunatics approach their asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. “That’s impossible says the doctor. You are all nuts! You will just get lost and never come back”. However, the three lunatics wouldn’t relent, until finally, exasperated, the doctor says “OK! If you […]
A mute man was walking down the street one day, and bumped into a friend of his, who was also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!) “Oh, stop that hand-waving, I can talk now!” Intrigued, the mute pressed him […]
A young woman went to her doctor, crying “Please doctor, you have to help me, I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, […]
Let me tell you about my doctor… My doctor is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again. He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese. Another time he gave a […]
As I am getting on a bit in years, during my recent medical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. So, I described to him a typical day… “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, which consisted of about 7 miles through some pretty rough […]
A Polish immigrant to the United States went to the Department Of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. Having completed the application form, he then had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card that contained with the letters: ‘C Z W I X N […]
A patient in a mental hospital was being reviewed for possible release. When asked what he would do if released, he replied, “I am going to make a slingshot, and then come back here and break every damn window in the place.” Obviously, his release was denied. Six months later, […]
It’s a typical day at the asylum, and the duty psychiatrist is doing his rounds of the wards with a couple of medical students. They look in on one patient and the pychiatrist says to his students, “Sometimes this fellow thinks he’s a temptress in a Bizet opera, but today, […]
A man suffered a horrific accident and his private parts were badly injured. He was rushed into hospital, where the doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his privates to be rebuilt. Unfortunately, his health insurance policy didn’t cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic surgery. The […]
