Jokes in category:  Marriage Jokes

102 posts

Image used under a Collective Commons License from: https://www.maxpixel.net/Bridal-Cake-Decoration-Wedding-Anniversary-3636759Funny jokes about marriage, getting married, weddings and married life. We have a great collection of the best marriage jokes here for you to enjoy.

We have funny stories about people getting married, with tales of the wedding going wrong and the honeymoon not turning out like they expected.

We also have plenty of jokes about living together and of course that most dreaded of all creatures, the Mother-In-Law!

As a wise old man once said to me (true story), “The secret to a happy marriage is in two little words – Yes Dear!”

I hope you enjoy our collection of funny material about married life.

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Marital Advice

A lady teacher at the school where I work recently got engaged and as a friend and colleague I offered her some marital advice. “The first ten years are the hardest”, I told her. “How long have you been married?” she asked me. “Ten years” I replied. Image used under […]

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24 Hours To Live

A man returns from a visit to the doctor and tells his wife the horrific news, the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. With this in mind, the man does what any number of other men would do in his position and asks his […]

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The Bride To Be

The manager of a small jewellery store was having a conversation with a bride to be and couldn’t help but notice her stunning engagement ring. “So”, he asked her, hoping for an opportunistic sale, “have you looked for any wedding bands yet?” “Oh no”, the bride to be responded, “I […]

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Watching Television

A married couple are sitting on the couch one evening watching television. They were watching a romantic drama and the wife was getting upset and teary eyed. Her husband asked her: “Why do you weep and snuffle over a television program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never […]

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The Private Detective

Helen inquired of the private detective that she had hired, “So, did you trail my husband last night?” “Yes madam, I did”. “And what happened?”, Helen asked him, naturally curious as to what her husband had been up to. The private detective replied, “I followed your husband to a bar, […]

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Fearsome Arguments

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever they had one of their fearsome arguments, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout at his wife, “When I die, I will dig my way […]

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Deathbed

Harold was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. “Please promise to fulfill my last request, Sheila”, he said to his wife, who was sitting by the side of his bed. “Of course, Harold”, his wife said softly. “Six months after I die”, he said, “I want you to marry Tim”. […]

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Divorce

A man appears before a judge one day, seeking a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says to the man, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce”. “I want a divorce Your Honour”, the man says, “because I live in a two-story house”. The Judge […]

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Walking

Jim and his wife were walking into the parking lot when a friend of theirs, Ted, saw them approaching. Ted asked, “Jim, why are you walking so far? Did your car break down?” Jim replied, “No Ted, my wife read how you could burn off more calories by parking further […]

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Martinis!

Two colleagues are riding to work on the bus, when they both see two dogs going at it on a lawn. One man, who has been married for a while, looks at his colleague and says, “Oh boy, I would give anything if I could do it to my wife […]