Arthur goes to his new girlfriend’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them some drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, looking around the room (as you do), he notices a cute little […]
Jokes in category: Life
16 posts
These are some laws of life that we are all aware of and I am sure that all of us have experienced most of them at one time or another. There is no scientific evidence for these, and yet they do seem to occur far more often than you would […]
We all have our embarrassing moments don’t we, but I wonder who of us can claim to have had the most embarrassing moment of all… I have had a few embarrassing moments in my life, but probably the worst that I can think of was a few years ago when […]
When he arrived home from work one day, Mike was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained to him what had happened… “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the […]
My broker called me this morning and said, “Remember that stock we bought and I said you’d be able to retire at age 55?” “Yes, I remember,” I said. “Well,” my broker continued, “your retirement age is now 108.” I know the feeling only too well, having purchased stocks in […]
This morning, like the other weekday mornings in the last 2 weeks have been too dark for me to see what I was doing without having to turn the light on, but with my wife still asleep when I get out of bed at 6:30am, I try my best to […]
My Life Broken Down Into Segments
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know […]
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why […]
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day. All the patients were outside, and they were shouting 13 …. 13 …. 13 The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a small gap between the planks, so I looked through to see what was going […]
A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.” The man replies “Just bring me a size eight.” The sales guy brings them, and the man stuffs his feet […]
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. “Sounds good,” my wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.” “Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering la carte,” the waitress warned […]
During a thunderstorm, you build a giant boat and start stealing your neighbor’s pets. When the boss criticizes your work, you hack off your right ear and mail it to him. Not only do you consider Yoko an artistic genius, you think she’s beautiful and has a lovely singing voice. […]
Jokes: Well Stated Facts.
Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: ONE Never give yourself a haircut after three Margaritas. TWO You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape. […]